Noise

     A few years back, when I was a very young Christian, I struggled.  I remember letting jealousy enter my heart.  I hated myself because of the way I looked.  But I also had pride.  While I was jealous of others looks, that was as far as I would look at them.  I didn't look any deeper than their skin and so I just assumed  that, that was all there was to them.  Sunday came around and I remember sitting in church.  I was angry at the world and at odds with God.  I didn't want to be in church or anywhere near God.
     When the service was over we sang a song and knelt down to pray.  It was like all the thoughts running through my head were at war with each other.  As if I  had five different people shouting out their opinions in my head.  I was so consumed with myself and my problems that I was blind and deaf to everything around me.  I could not stand the noise for another second.  I pleaded with God and it was like someone pressed the mute button.  God restored his peace in my heart.  He quieted the voices and forgave me for my wicked thoughts.  That was the first time God's mercy really struck me.  I was amazed that God could forgive even me and not only once but over and over.  I knew better and I still let pride and jealousy and selfishness enter my heart.  I was so humbled and grateful that as I knelt on the floor I cried.  I barely pulled it together before the prayer ended.  If anyone around me noticed I had been crying, they didn't say anything.