Lord why do I struggle so much with my attitude!  Some times I want to cry out in frustration at myself.  Why can't I be more like Jesus.  I struggle with not getting angry at my brother.  My first reaction toward him is to be selfish and un-sharing and unkind.  I struggle with loving people when it's not convenient.
     We have had some Romanians over since Friday.  They are staying for two weeks.  It's the pastor of the church we went to in Romania and his wife.  I feel uncomfortable spending time with them because of the language barrier, but he speaks excellent English!  We had them over on Sunday for supper along with my Aunt, my Grandma, my Dad, my Mom, Ryan and Steven, and me.  Mom, Ryan, Steven, and I were the only ones who didn't speak Hungarian there.  Everyone else spoke it as their first language.  So the majority of the conversation would be in Hungarian and I only know a few words.  There was volley ball at 5:30 that day.  Supper was supposed to start at 4:30 but they all came 30 minutes late.  This is typical for my Dad's side of the family but unheard of on my Mom's.  So by the time we had all sat down and finished the prayer it was time to leave for volley ball.  So I left right after the prayer without eating.  I hope I did not offend anyone.
     Lord why doesn't it come naturally to love them like it does with others?  How can you use me when I am so selfish?  I am so undeserving of your love but please don't give up on me. 

Sunday Service

     I know it is already Thursday but I wanted to post about second service on Sunday.  Wow!  I thought it was really good.  He talked about forgiveness and suffering and perspective.  He talked about the suffering in other countries and how, although it might be hard to understand why it's happening, we need to remember why sin first came into the world.  He talked about how we should keep a Godly perspective and remember that God has a purpose.  It made me think:  what if we were all suddenly put into the situation of living in a third world country with no idea where our next meal would come from.  What if we all had to build our own houses out of mud and make spears to protect ourselves?  Strange as it seems my first reaction to this was peace and joy.  I realized that I wouldn't have to worry about school or social obligations or committee stuff.  How wonderful that would be! 
     It really helped put things in perspective for me.  I realized how, in the long run, those things really are not important.  Thank you Lord!  Please help me to always put you first!

Insane or Not?

So there's this really cool race coming up on October 14. It's called the Tough Mudder and is the most insane/intense race ever. It's 10-12 miles long which I know I'm not up to running but this race is more about the obstacles. Its got 25 obstacles which include scaling a 12 foot wall (with the help of your teammates) running through dangling wires that shock you, jumping into a pool of water filled with ice, and so on.

It sounds insanely fun. Two problems though: (1) it's $150 plus gas, hotel, and food and (2) I would probably be the most out of shape person in our group and I don't want to ruin the trip for everyone else. I have been running inconsistently all summer but I really need to pick it up and it's less than a month away. I will have to do push ups so I can climb up this rope (one of the obstacles) and I will have to be able to run a lot farther than the 2 miles I have been doing every day. Plus it will be through mud so there will be the added weight caked on my shoes. So the last few days I have been running my 2 miles with 2.5 pound weights strapped to each ankle. The place I run is fairly hilly so that's good. I have been trying to do 25 push ups instead of 15 and I have added sit up to my routine. So I've been pretty sore but just trying to push through it. No pain no gain, right?

But I still really want to do it.

 

A Child's Prayer

     When I was little I used to pray to God that I would lose a limb or two in some kind of accident.   Not that I wanted to be handicapped but there are so many life changing stories about people who have lost limbs and glorified God through it.  I dreaded the pain and the loss of the ability to do fun things like snowboarding, football, and volley ball, but I wanted to serve God with everything I had.
     Now that I'm older I don't think that, that is God's plan for me any more.  Now I thank God daily that He gave me a healthy body capable of doing work.  God kept me whole so that He could use me.  I pray I can remember that I do not own myself but that I am God's.  I pray I can be a hard and willing worker for Him so that I can glorify Him.